The Comeback

It has come to my realization that my last blog post in existence occurred in April of… wait for it… 2011. Well, what can I say? It's been a while.
At this point in my life, approaching the end of my first semester of college, I've come across my sophomore year, composition class blog, facilitated by Mr.Dykstra. If you cared to read older posts, you would likely hear a complaint about the blogging assignments in almost every single one.
As I reread my younger selves thoughts and opinions I came to a few realizations:

1. Some of my opinions are the same, and some vastly different. I have changed a lot since then, experienced more, and come to certain realizations about myself and others.

2. I think I wrote so many outrageous things mostly for attention. To get a laugh, to entertain. I am actually appalled at some of my uneducated, judgmental and sometimes plain out rude comments in older posts.

3. I retract my complaints about blogging and I think I am going to get back at it, but on my time, by my choice.

I am doubtful that anyone would care much about what I have to say, but I suppose I'll say I'm writing for myself. To be completely honest, I'm not sure if that is 100% true though. I have journals and journals full of things I wrote down just for myself and you don't see that published. If a blogger (not that I would define myself as one) goes to the trouble of typing out and spending time on a post, you know that they are hoping it will be seen by more that just their own eyes. Even if it's just one other person.

I used to sign off my posts with the statement "I win." I hate that. It was arrogant. Somewhat humorous (refer to #2), but kind of obnoxious. I have yet to come up with something more clever and reflective of my personality, so I'll just say goodbye for now.

Hey hun, you don't need to text me, I'm pretty sure your voice can carry the five feet we are away from each other.

Howdy Partner,

Here are just a few of the things that drive terminally me insane:
We'll start with the blog topic,
1.) When people text you when your in the same room with them. Just plain dumb.
2.) Stupid people. If your reading this and you are unaware if you may be one of these stupid people, here are the qualifications:
a.) If you say things that other people frequently don't know what the heck your talking about
b.) If you ask stupid questions, that have obvious answers. (yes I know "there are no stupid questions"... well I call bullshit)
c.) You don't think about what is coming out of your mouth until 30 seconds after you've said it.
d.) anything else I decide
3.) Weird-O's... Now I'm not talking just a little weird like corky, silly weird. I'm talking like really odd. like these guys:

Why doesn't somebody get them some help?

4.) Bad drivers. Okay, I'm not the best driver on the planet or anything but it really bothers me when people don't know how to drive. Old people pull out in front of me all the time because I guess they just don't care, people don't use turn signals, people don't stop at stop signs, etc. etc.

5.) My brother. He is possibly the most annoying being on this earth, he cannot keep his mouth shut for more than fifteen seconds. People say "that's what brothers are for, to annoy you." I say, "you know what sisters are for? Punching annoying brothers in the face."

6.) People who think they are so cool that everyone cares what they have to say.

7.) Mud. (yes I'm talking about the slightly more liquid like form of dirt) 

8.) Did I already say stupid people?

9.) Blogging. and number nine will conclude a three hundred word minimum.

Blog over. I win.

Wrestlers make way hotter actors.

I have come to the conclusion from this weekends movie watching that professional wrestlers look way better on the big screen. Two of my personal favorites, John Cena and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

For starters I'd like to inform you that I had not liked John Cena at all until I saw the movie Twelve Rounds. )(The Marines isn't too bad either) I wasn't attracted to John Cena the wrestler, but John Cena the movie star is pretty flipping hot.

Proof:

Not Hot. 

 Super Hot.

Okay, "The Rock" was attractive as a wrestler, but he was way more attractive in movies like: Faster, The Scorpion King, and  Game Plan.

Proof:

A Tiny Bit Hot.

Very Very Hot.

I have decided throughout this blog that the difference between them in the movies and them wrestling is the fact that they have clothes on. Now usually it's the opposite, guys without shirts on are hotter, but since these men are always half naked in their little wrestling speedos it's nice to see them with some clothes on. Maybe the clothes make them more attractive because it gives me a sense of some false modesty from them since they're usually showing off there huge muscles.

Mystery Solved. I Win.

However there is a catch, It just doesn't work for some men. Some of them just got worse, more ugly.

 Kevin Nash, otherwise known as "Big Sexy,"

 is not really that "Sexy", before or after the acting.

Triple H... Well I hope none of those "H"s stand for hot.

Mr.Dykstra = Brain Aneurysms

I have a very intense head ache right now, but Mr.Dykstra is going to kick my butt if I don't write a blog. (or maybe just give me the finger again) If my headache turns out to be some sort of cancer or internal bleeding in my brain, and I have a stroke or a brain aneurysm in my sleep, I want you to feel bad Mr.Dykstra. Even though if I had some sort of dysfunction in my brain, it would be troublesome whether I was writing this blog or not, I'm still going to blame stupid blogging.

Theory 1: Because I have to stay up and write these blogs every Sunday night, the immense fatigue is causing the amount of oxygen flowing to my brain to decrease. Due to this blood is flowing slower, and is less oxygenated and therefore denser than average, causing blood clots. So the blood is getting blocked in my brain and bursts a vein...kapoowi internal brain bleed. Brain aneurysm in my sleep.

Theory 2: Because Mr.Dykstra makes us do all kinds of stupid comma things and semi colon junk, my DNA code is malfunctioning because he is trying to shove too much useless information into it. In case you did not know, Semi Colons in DNA form code for brain cancer.

So I have come to the conclusion that Mr.Dykstras class is fatal to my health.
Good Night.
I win.

A Lie Called Symbolism.

Hello friends, I am going to be discussing a topic we have all experienced if you passed the 6th grade. Symbolism.

My Opinion on the Subject:
I think symbolism is something teachers and theorists (yes that is a real word click) have created to spice up lesson plans and give themselves the appearance of depth and creativity in their thinking. Some times a tree is just a freaking tree. Could you believe they have entire web pages devoted to the "symbolism" of different trees.

Apple Tree: symbolize magic, youth, beauty and happiness

Birch Tree: symbolize new beginnings and cleansing of the past.

Ect. Ect.

I don't know about you... But I don't get the sense of magic, youth beauty or happiness out of that.(above)

Or  new beginnings and cleansing of the past from this. (above)

Check out the rest of these crazies: Weirdo Tree Website

Do people really feel the need to pick apart every single thing in life to see what it "means", what if there isn't always a hidden meaning, what if some times a tree really is just a tree, not a glimpce of hope or new beginings. What if it's just a tree, just a plant.  

I would literally piss my pants to see a world renowned English professor ask, if he weren't dead,  Frances Hodgson Burnett (author of the infamous book of symbolism, The Secret Garden) about all the "symbolism" in the story and have him tell he/she that there just isn't any, it's just a story.

Why can't people just except things, and stories for the shallow arts they are. By trying to dig so deeply into a story about what it "really means" causes you to completely miss the intentions of the author in the first place.

The End. This is a never ending battle, so I can't really win.

Iowa Laws

Well, I'd like to start this blog by telling you another life lesson I have learned this week.

Hypothetically speaking, If I were a person who sang in the shower and happened to be washing my face at the same time, it may or my not be a good idea because face wash may or may not taste good. Remember this is all hypothetical.

But anyway, I have nothing to write about, and I'm tired. I don't want to write about anything right now, but guess what? I have to. So here are dumb Iowa laws and my responses.

 Laws:

1. It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.
2. A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
3. One-armed piano players must perform for free.
4. Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
5. Tanning bed facilities must warn of the risk of getting a sunburn.
6. A board was created to regulate among other things, hearing aids.
7. Ministers must obtain a permit to carry their liquor across state lines.
8. Doctors who treat a person with gonorrhea must report this to the local board of health and include the disease’s “probable origin”.
9. All boxes used to pick hops must be exactly 36 inches long.

Ok, responses:

1. I'm pretty sure it is a violation to sell drugs in general.
2. I really hate moustaches, and kissing in public, so I'm going to have to approve of this one.
3. Well, I don't think a one armed piano player would be very good so I don't think anyone would pay him for his efforts, so I disapprove.
4. I think they should add "in public" 
5. You are dumb if you don't know this. But for the people who are dumb enough to give themselves skin cancer may need this obvious information posted in their face.
6. I don't really know what this means
7. I'm wondering one, what is the penalty, and two, could they have somebody else carry their liquor across the border?
8. This one is just quite funny.
9. I'm not a farmer. I don't know the significance of this.

Taa Daaa! Done. I win.

Life Lessons

I'm deciding to make a list of interesting snid bits of information I have come across in my life time, purely for your entertainment. Following the bits will be the name of the person I learned this from.

1.) You can peel a clementine in one piece. - Grant Johnson
2.) If you blow dry your eye lash curler on high heat before you use it on your lashes, the curl will hold better. - Macke Rodamaker
3.) Party Streamer doesn't taste good. -Gabi Francis
4.)  You shouldn't kiss Justin Bieber on the lips because his breath might stink. - Anna (my five year old sister)
5.) You can't learn how to drive an 18 wheeler by watching YouTube videos- Mike (my step dad, who is a real truck driver, unlike my self despite my Internet attempts)
6.) Never let your 66 year old grandmother give you a sex talk. -I know this one from personal experience
7.) Be on time - My grandma (not the sex one, the other one.) who is consistently half and hour early.
8.) You should remember to wear spankies under your show choir dress. -Keely Hertzel
Mr.Dykstra Section:
9.) Don't kiss in the hallways of Mason City High School - Mr.Dykstra
10.) If you are a boy, don't use the urinal right next to anyone else. - Mr. Dykstra
11.) If you are a freshman boy, don't touch other freshman boys. -Mr.Dykstra
12.) Don't call inanimate object homosexual because it probably has no sexual preference. -Mr. Dykstra 
13.) How to spell the word inanimate -My mother...30 seconds ago

and that's pretty much all I can think of right now. So... If you have any life lessons you would like to share with me that would be fabulous, and technically considered continuing the conversation, making it easy for you to get points for commenting. Your welcome.

I help you, you help me... so,
I win.